Ever since I can remember, I have searched for something. In finding recovery, I found what I had searched for; myself. Satcitananda

The first time I drank, I drank to get drunk. It was a feeling I had never experienced. Despite waking up feeling the pounding in my head and nausea in my stomach, I couldn’t wait to do it again. I was 16, and I felt like I could finally exhale for the first time. I spent the next three decades chasing this feeling.

In my addiction, I craved attention. It didn’t matter what kind of attention. I would go to any length to get it, often leaving me isolated and alone. The trauma I experienced while serving in the Air Force exacerbated my alcohol dependence, adding layers of anger and volatility. I noticed people around me were growing up, moving on with their lives, and becoming successful adults. I occupied an adult body but could not or would not mature.

Like many alcoholics and addicts, it took what it took for me to change. I made several attempts to stop. I changed where I lived, who I was with, and where I worked. I tried to restrict how often and what substance I would use. I tried medication. I tried to end my life. I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to live like this anymore, but I didn’t know how to change. Luckily, I knew someone who had changed, and they extended their hand to me, the first person I ever truly connected with on a soul level. They walked with me side by side, allowing me to find my path to recovery.

My recovery journey has taught me that there are many paths to addiction and recovery. No two person’s journeys are the same. But, one thing all people who have quality recovery share is connection. When a real connection is made, the isolating patterns of addiction are interrupted long enough to create real change. Connection is the opposite of addiction, and I invite you to connect with me.